Packing Away Summer

I carried out the much needed chore of emptying out all my clothes drawers, packing away my summer clothes and reinstating my winter wardrobe.  Bit depressing in some ways but also quite nice to get out clothes I haven't worn for a few months - feels like a shopping spree!  I took the opportunity to bag up clothes for charity shop that I haven't worn for a while and not likely to again.  Also to throw away some tatty clothes that really shouldn't be worn again.  It was an emotional process in some ways, as a lot of my clothes are ones that I bought when with my sister, or ones that she bought me as presents over the years.  And even though some of them were quite old and bedraggled, I could not bring myself to throw them away. 

I met up with my mum Saturday, for the first time since she got back from USA.  I was almost dreading seeing her in some ways as I knew it would be hard for both of us.  But she met me with literal open arms and we had a big hug.  We talked about general things until she produced a bag and I knew this was going to be hard.  She had very kindly managed to bring back for me Katy's little guardian angel brooch, which she loved and wore all the time.  Also a blue rosette from one of Katy's horse shows that she had won.  Two very simple items but so personal and such strong memories of Katy.  I haven't been able to take them out of the bag yet. 

I keep having very vivid dreams of my sister.  Not bad ones - but they make me cry upon wakening when I realise that they were just dreams.  A couple of days ago I dreamt that I had woken up and Katy was sat on my sofa.  I gave her a massive hug.  Katy never actually made it over to see my little flat, but my dream was so real that I broke my heart when I woke up for real and realised she wasn't really there. 

My GP has strongly recommended I contact Cruise Bereavement Services, which I will do.  I think I will anyway! I am just not very good at talking to strangers - I find it hard enough to open up to my closest friends.  But I think I need to give it a try as I am really struggling right now.

i have packed away all my summer clothes, but unfortunately I can't pack away the emotions of this summer.  The grief and loss.  But I do need to start to try to put a little of it away.  New life and new experiences continue.  The Summer wanes, but my memories of Katy haven't and never will.