On Chat

I just logged into facebook and my sister appeared on chat.  The first time that happened it kinda freaked me out, but now I find it strangely comforting to see her there.  I even sent her a little message just to say hi. 

I am back at work and finding it tough.  Working in a medical environment there is no escape from sad things and I have too many reminders during the day, which then render me useless for a while as I have a cry at my desk.  But my work friends are brilliant - very understanding and kind - and always on hand to give me a little hug when needed.  However, I am managing to get up every morning and just go into autopilot with the typical morning routine and head off to work. 

Sleep has been an issue the past few weeks - i.e. not enough of it.  I am struggling to get off to sleep before midnight then am besieged by the most awful nightmares; therefore any sleep I do get is not of the restful kind and I awaken feeling exhausted both physically and mentally.  But the worst was this morning.  I had drifted back off to sleep (lovely Sunday lie in) and then proceeded to dream that Katy was actually still alive.  In hospital - but alive.  When I woke up and realised it was a dream, I was devastated.  It was like losing her all over again. 

So, when I saw her on facebook just now, it was nice.  I know it's not real. I'm not cracking up. I realise it is just a technical glitch thingy.  But it does, if only for a split second, make me imagine that she is still here somehow and waiting to chat.